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When is loving yourself enough?

I did a post at the start of the year where I spoke about working through trauma and moving to a place of self-awareness. If you missed it, you can read it here. The post turned out to connect with a lot of people who could relate to trying to navigate society while being yourself in the process. Just using this as an opportunity to say thank you again cause I know I don’t write much but it gives me great joy when you all engage with my posts, so thank you.

On the 6th of March 2020, one of my favourite singers Demi Lovato released the first single from her upcoming album. Titled ‘I Love Me,’ the song is the perfect tune for her to make another entrance in the music scene since she took a break in 2018 following her overdose. Truth is, Demi has been through so much and has been very open about her struggles with substance abuse and her mental health. What I think is amazing is the way she gets back up every time, ready to take on the world. That in itself it’s inspiring.



Even though ‘I Love Me’ focuses on Demi’s journey, the chorus of the song is what I haven’t been able to get over. She says:

“Why do I compare myself to everyone?
And I always got my finger on the self-destruct
I wonder when I love me is enough…
Why am I always looking for a ride or die?
‘Cause mine’s the only heart I’m gonna have for life
After all the times I went and fucked it up
I wonder when I love me is enough.”

I don’t know if this is a place you have found yourself in but I have been here a few times. A lot of times we hear people say that all we need to do is love ourselves and everything will fall in place. The question remains, how do you love yourself? How do you love yourself so much that you know how to deal with self-doubt when it comes? How do you love yourself enough to get out of the funk you might find yourself in after you lose your job or experience terrible loss?

I don’t know if anyone ever gets to a place in their lives where they love themselves enough. Self-love is not something we will into existence – it requires action and discipline and guts. I think our generation has been sold this idea that “once you love yourself enough” everything gets better. That is fantastic in theory but the practice is never easy. It takes a level of self-awareness to even start the process of loving yourself and even after we tap that, we still have to constantly deal with the negativity that we cannot control. The negativity finds a way to our sub-conscious and before we know it, we have internalised it so bad that we start to believe it. Let us not even talk about the battles we have to fight with ourselves daily to get through the day. Demi says it best in the song when she says “me and myself and I, don’t see eye to eye” and that is the plain truth.

I don’t want to pretend like I have all the answers because I don’t. However, I think while loving yourself is a good foundation it can’t make all your insecurities go away. Self-love is the starting point but the end goal is bigger than us. I think it is loving ourselves to love others, to be kind, to be compassionate and to leave the world better than we met it.

Oprah says “To love yourself is a never-ending journey” and I think she is right. There is no destination point but we have to keep living right? We have to keep existing in a world that keeps evolving at a pace we cannot control and we have to adapt. We have to face new challenges head-on and look for ways to deal with these issues. We will have rejection and the ones we love will walk away. We will lose opportunities that we might think we deserve even though we are overqualified. What do we do when doubt starts to creep in? Is the absence of a fully realised self love a recipe for disaster? Will it affect how we engage with our loved ones? When is loving yourself enough?


Image of Harry Itie by @solo_look
  • Wow! I absolutely love the song from Demi. I really like where this Era is taking her, and this is like the 3rd time today I’ve seen something about loving myself. Clearly God is trying to tell Me something thanks fir this beautiful piece.

  • This is more than a coincidence.
    I wake up in the middle of the night as usual to reflect on me and then I saw this post. What I needed to read rn. Thanks Harry.

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