Real Talk: Pain

Today I want to talk about pain.

This is not something I usually do and I generally like to avoid these conversations because people will start to say you are crying for help when you just need an outlet. The truth is: sometimes people are not looking for sympathy or for someone to save them; sometimes people just want to say how they feel and how they are hurting just because.

Can’t we just share?

So here I am, opening up about my pain because I feel I will explode if I don’t speak. I am not trying to seek attention, I just want to share.

I have experienced different levels of emotional pain before but nothing compares to the one I experienced in the month of June. 2017 was a struggle and like many, I hoped that 2018 was going to be the year that would change my situation. I was making moves and doing things so I was positive that things would be different

Not so much.

The start of the year was a drag as I dealt with rejection from 3 media fellowships and a rejection email from a job I applied for. Everything started to feel like a routine; from work to my personal life, it became as if I was just floating through life. I had been on my media journey professionally for close to 6 years and I felt stuck. I had hopes and dreams but it just felt like the change I was desperately seeking wasn’t going to come.

Then Germany happened.

Germany felt like my prayers were finally getting answered. I was desperate for a win and I got one. Immediately, I started making plans on the moves I will make when I travel and what I would do when I get back. I was so confident that things were going to change after the experience and that I would be moving into a new phase of my career.

 

I was in for a shock.

Germany was amazing in itself. My experience at the Global Media Forum is one that I will not trade for anything. However, on my last day in Germany, I made a list of the things I wanted to do once I got back. There was a lot I was going to apply to my journey once I got back to Nigeria and I was ready to work. I guess life had other plans.

Every time I tried to embark on a project it felt like I hit a roadblock. It was like I came back to Nigeria and found myself in a space that I was unfamiliar with. It became very frustrating because I was confused. I started doubting myself and every decision I had made. I would get home and just cry because it felt like I was in a hole and I had no idea why I was there to start with. To make matters worse, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because “I just got back from Germany” and I had to “count my blessings.” Every morning I would tell myself that I have a job and I have been blessed with countless opportunities and I should be grateful. Truth is, I didn’t feel that way. I was angry and was finding it hard to function. It felt like the pain was eating me up from the inside out and I just needed it to stop.

I am doing better. Trust me I am. Things are not where I want them to be but we are here and we are kicking. Every morning I tell myself that I am on a journey and I have to trust the process. The thing is, I have also come to understand that the waiting process can be painful. I have decided to take every day as it comes; cry when the tears come and laugh when I am happy. It is also extremely tiring when people try to dismiss your emotions because “you have everything going for you” and you should be “happy all the time.”

I have made peace with the fact that pain is a part of adulting and there is nothing I can do about it. I have also come to understand that not everyone will understand and it’s fine. We all have our baggage. Whatever it is, just stay strong because tomorrow is almost here and it might be better than today.

Now that’s real talk!

Image by The Photocentric.

Watch the brand new episode of my vlog below

harry | EP 44 | How to be a Sophisticated Hustler with Ariyiike

On this very special episode of harry, I am joined by my colleague at TVC, Ariyiike. She will be teaching us how to be a sophisticated hustler.

Check it out, comment and please share.

This episode of harry is brought to you by Suss Productions. They are a production company that focuses on developing creative content in the areas of performing art, new media, film, TV, radio and video. They have launched a Vloggers Package that is very exciting; 4 videos for N38,000. This includes recording and post production. To partake in this exciting offer, visit their website http://sussproductions.com/ and fill out the contact form.

You can also find them on Twitter (@producedbysuss) and Instagram (@sussproductions).

Remember, let’s work together in 2018.

Follow me on Twitter & Instagram (@Harryitie) and Snapchat (rukevbe).

Follow Ariyiike on Instagram (@ariyiikedimples)

Visit my website: http://harryitie.com

harry | EP 43 | The Bonn City Tour

I attended the Global Media Forum in Bonn, Germany and after the conference, I got a chance to take a tour of the city.

Check it out, comment and please share.

Remember, let’s work together in 2018.

PS: Playing this back and I realised the underlay music is not well balanced. A slight error and it would be rectified in future videos.

 

harry | EP 40 | Lessons from #Idahot2018

IDAHOT is the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia and is a very significant day for the LGBT community. However, not many feel this way as some still choose to be homophobic. I shared an article from The Rustin Times on homophobia and many said they were going to be homophobic regardless of how the world is evolving.

Those comments inspired this episode.

Watch, comment, share and let us join the conversation that will push for change in our community.

Read The Rustin Times article here.

Remember, let’s work together in 2018¬†

Follow me on Twitter & Instagram (@Harryitie) and Snapchat (rukevbe).

Visit my website: http://harryitie.com

harry | EP 39 | The May Music Playlist

I decided to share some of the songs that are currently on my playlist as a way to engage on a more personal level. I have realised that people tend to want to have conversations about my music selection when I share it on social media so I guess it’s time I recommend music on a monthly basis.

As at the time of recording this video I didn’t have a title but I think this will be the working title from now.

Check it out, comment, share and do not forget to let me know some of the songs that you are vibing to this month.

Remember, let’s work together in 2018