Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I have not said a prayer in a while. I won’t lie. It had been a while I had a real conversation with God. A few times I spoke to him in passing; whispered a few things in his ears but this time, I actually prayed. And I prayed hard.
On the 6th of December, my friend Foladele gave me a gift. It was a Bible and to be honest I wasn’t sure I was going to read it. It is amazing how things have changed since that moment but that’s not what today’s post is about.
Today, I am writing this post for me. 2015 wasn’t the best year for me. I could also say the same for 2014. I have had some great moments (I started The Harry Minute) but I have had a lot of down times. Now, I know life is not a bed of roses so I am usually ready for the rough times. Most times, I find a way to deal with it. I usually would borrow the words from Sefi Atta’s masterpiece and say “Everything Good Will Come” but there comes a point in your life when you reach the low of lows.
So as I prayed, I cried bitterly. Not because I was feeling sorry for myself or because I felt that it was me against the world. I cried because I had lost my identity. I had become someone unrecognizable. I used to believe in myself and I believed I could do ANYTHING. Now, I had started to doubt myself. I had let the words from the people around me get in my way. I was looking at myself through the eyes of other people instead of the eyes of God. I thought I had dealt with my esteem issues but I was wrong.
Barbara Walters said “To feel valued, to know, even if only once in a while, that you can do a job well is an absolutely marvelous feeling” and I get it. Thing is a lot of people won’t make you feel valued. In fact, people will make it their life’s mission to undermine your abilities. So I had to ask for the strength for the road ahead. I had to make changes. I couldn’t afford to doubt myself anymore. I needed to get back to the time when the world was my oyster. I had to pray.
Out of Eden says “This is your life, no more waiting to begin. Have some faith and know you’ll win. You can make it in this thing called life.” The song that is one of my all time favourites has words that ring true especially in times like this. No matter what life throws I can do anything. All I have to do is work hard and remain consistent. I will do my best and my best is just fine!
And so as I enter 2016 and leave the horrors of 2015 behind, I take with me a positive outlook. A notion that things will work out and the pain I feel right now will be nothing but a distant memory.
“You will have some failure. And you will be able to go on, add a new chapter, and have a more interesting time.”